I had thought to call this journal The Nautilus, after my grandfather, who proudly served on the first nuclear submarine of the same name. I've been often reminded of my grandfather and what I think of as his experiences into the deep. We even named our dog after him.
His professional work fits this stage of life I've been in—exploring the depths.
Over the last couple of years, my life has taken a similar direction—diving into the deep, the uncharted, the scary, and the mystical territory within myself. Much of this journey has been focused on the things I’d rather not examine, the parts of my experience that have been uncomfortable or hidden.
In the iceberg metaphor, there is what lies above the water—what people see—and what lies below—the hidden currents that drive us. This is my deep work. I’m seeking to understand what many call the unconscious, subconscious, or shadow: those powerful forces that influence me, often without my conscious awareness, yet trigger my actions and feelings.
The nautilus, with its spiral shape, is also symbolic of this journey—a continuous, step-by-step descent into the depths of the unknown. It’s a symbol often used by shamans and spiritual seekers because it mirrors the cycles and patterns of life, and I've come to see my own path reflected in this spiral.
All this imagery is deeply meaningful to me. It reflects where I’ve been and the journey I’m on.
Another aspect of this journal is about making sense, finding meaning—within myself, of myself, and of life itself.
Meaning is crucial to me. I want to know *why*. I realize that not all questions will have answers, and some answers may reveal themselves slowly over time, but the desire to understand is constant.
There is a pattern to the chaos, a reason behind the journey.
I often think about this in terms of work or business—most of us, especially me, want to know *why* we are heading in a particular direction. There’s a need for that sense of control, or at least understanding, before fully committing to the path.
I want to know that it’s worth the effort. I want to feel motivated, to see the vision, and to align myself with it.
But part of this process involves acceptance. I've realized that some things are simply out of my control. There are forces and circumstances I cannot influence, and learning to accept that has been a significant part of my journey.
These are the kinds of topics I want to explore and share more here—the insights and discoveries I've made during my own "nautilus trips."