The Cabin

I've been talking about symbols and meaning ....

So here's another one on another symbolic image -- The Cabin -- representing for my internal desire for peace, refuge, and solitude. 

For background .... 

LEGO has this A-frame cabin set that I've had my eye on. I always feel drawn to it. 

Then in Fortnite, I found myself very drawn to the Communications Shacks. 

And I used DALLE to create some pictures based on FortNite design style as I love the art and design of the game to create it. 

All of these have a lot in common for me -- they are an external representation (symbol) of an internal need and desire - a sense of peace, a place of refuge and solitude. 

It's not that I would be able to have a perfect place like these. So they are idealized for sure. But they also help me see myself and my needs. 

I do long for peace. 

I do long for refuge and quiet solitude. 

Not every day. But it's an internal need.

And I do love natural beauty of sunsets and mountains and clear starry skies. 

And I can see so much of myself and my needs in it:

• Quiet, Solitude, with No Interruptions or Crisis - a calm and rest away from the storms of life, the need for boundaries and a safe place to rest, recover, recharge. I think this has to do with emotions and my sensitivity to tyem and the need for a safe place to be with my own emotions and thoughts and relax. Sometimes I just need a break from it all. I feel like I'm an emotional sponge and get overwhelmed by it, as well as the nonstop busy of my life. I can often get in crisis mode and then crash at the end of the day. The other thing about these cabins is that they should be simple. Not a lot of complexity. A quiet place, a simpler place to go. 
• Natural, Authentic Inspiring Beauty - I'm extremely visual. I love beautiful places, from mountains to the high desert to water. I love nature for its naked, raw, authentic, natural beauty ... and it's often glorious. I get recharged by natural beuaty from trails around my house, to National Parks and the mountains of New Mexico which is enchanting. These images are restorative to my soul. 
• Vistas and Overlooks - I toyed with including the word Vista in this journal name. But even in Fortnite, I love sitting on top of a peak or mountain or vista to look around and see -- it's all about gaining perspective. It also happens in my material life ... as I look for the restaurant at the top of a skyscraper, or the top of a hotel as I did in Amsterdam, or finding the ridge when I'm hiking. It's all about changing perspective and it becomes powerful reflection time yet again. Seeing things from a different vantage point. And this is invaluable processing time. Seeing new angles and things. And being inspired by it to reflect on where I am now and the things I'm working on. 

A couple more takeaways: 

• It's my own safe place ... my own retreat ... and I want to create and build on this inside of me. To be able to go there when I need it. 
• It's a visual anchor of an internal need. To be able to find that peace and safety and to also expand it. 
• It's ideal and it's not perfect. There is no perfect. There is no real scenario like this. But it's something, a symbol and an image, a type of totem if you will to remind me. And for awareness, knowing this ideal isn't meant to be lived in ... it's meant to show me something about me and my needs and longings. And why I love diving into this symbolic projection work. 
• I can't live here all the time. (Or also in total chaos.) But how do I take elements of this and get like medicine in my daily life? That's the big question. 

What does this say about my life and my needs?

Why is this recurring magnetic appeal telling me right now? 

I'm looking at the opposite of this and seeing this as a need, but also a result and outcome of something. 

So ...

CONSTANT SENSE OF BUSYNESS AND TOO MUCH INPUT AND 'NOISE'

I want more calm. I want more quiet. I want more relaxation. I need more solitude time. I yearn for those things. Not forever, not all the time, but on certain days ... YES, more, please. 

As a parent, husband and also professional, life feels very much go go go. Lots and lots of input and I don't juggle multiple things or conversations at once. Well, AND I'm a parent of young kiddos and a busy household. 

Compound that in my work, I've been very busy even though it's a great gig and flexible. But maintaining two clients as well, if you add all of this up, it's a LOT for me. I used to like to juggle and go go go ... but that was in work. Now work + family with kids school and activities and needs .... yikes. 

I've said to my wife a couple of times ... It's just too much, all day, almost every day. 

It's the constant sprint-like pace sometimes. 

So I have expressed that outside of myself. 

It's the INTERNAL CONFLICT BETWEEN EXPECTATIONS AND CAPABILITY 

And the root of that is I don't feel capable of handling/doing/juggling all the things I think we might need in our house .... I'm not able to juggle multiple conversations, or details, or things. And I guesss I expect myself to BE capable of doing that. And it's just not realistic. 

I am very capable of FOCUS and when I focus I can truly tune out the world. Like a laser beam. 

When I work, I need quiet. Like library quiet. Any distraction is tough. It throws me off. At my business, my office was in a corner, kind of secluded. And only one other person went in the entrance where my office was. I had quiet. I had solitude. I had focus time. And the rest of the office was library quiet as well, mostly because our team needed that as well and I protected that. 

My office at home is super awesome for that ... UNLESS other family members are home during my work time. And my door is a barn door and does not block noise and distraction out and it's near our living room. So when I'm alone, I really love it. When there are others, it's a little tough. 

Frankly, I want that at home, but it feels loud .... consistently, or more than I would normally want. 

I don't like being interrupted .... ever .... in conversations, in my focus, in my work. I just don't like it. At all. Known fact about me. 

SENSITIVITY & EMOTIONAL OVERWHELM

On the emotional boundaries front ...

It's super difficult to even say that phrase, even for me to type. I do need emotional boundaries and safety barriers. But I really struggle with this concept. 

Boundaries has felt like big defensive action and announcement - authoritative, command and control - DO NOT CROSS and needs to be formal "rule" ... like I am erecting a big wall and you'd be best to keep away ... but when I say Safety Barriers, Bumpers like on Bumper Cars or Protective Clothing like a helmet, it feels better. I'd love to have a force field around me - to filter emotions, but also to keep some physical boundaries. That comes from getting my actual toes stepped on so many times and also bruised toes and nail removal several times. 

A big problem I have is communicating this to others. When I finally do, it comes off really bad. If I'm too soft, I feel like no one really listens. I try to practice this a lot because it's blown up back at me a lot. I haven't felt I've got the right approach and frequencey -- and the right WORDS. 

I need emotional bounaries ... but how? 

But I was just telling a friend that I feel like an emotional sponge.

I'm sensitive. 

I take in others emotions, often personalizing them (real or not). But whatever the case, I get overwhelemed by other people's emotions, particularly the darker ones. 

I know I need emotional space sometimes. I need to come up for air in certain situations. If I dread a certain situation because every time it's the same big / darker emotion in me or others ... I'll avoid it. 

Money. That's a big one for me. 

BEING IN AWE - NATURAL BEAUTY

I just love being in AWE - and being in awe for me is looking upon the natural, authentic, naked beauty of this physical world. Sunsets, mountain landscapes, high mesas, the unpopulated sky and night stars. It feels me up. A little sparkle and comfort. 

That feels very known awareness! 

SIMPLE IN A BOX 

Just like the images, I do want life to be simple, neat and tidy. That's why I love the images above.

They are quaint. I want it all to fit in neat tidy boxes and buckets. I want them to be idealic and magical. 

I do want control over those, and control means, I know where things go. I've got a firm grasp on it all in understanding, familiarity, the processes are ironed out. have a method to adequately deal with them. I see them clearly and what goes where. 

Chaos to calm and "on top of it" not from a forceful dictatorship style but from a sense that I've got everything under control. That's my brand of control. 

Do I know what I'm doing? What's expected and needed? And can I deliver? 

It's intersting as I write this about "idealic, neat, tidy, etc", but I love LEGO and LEGO Minifigures (I almost compulsively buy them), the old MicroMachines, Hot Wheels, or Vechicles Skins on Fortnite for these same reasons. 

I love the idealic and elegantly simple. And cartoonish, fantasty-ish of it. But they all connect. 

CHAT INPUT - ON THE BOX: When I asked Chat, "What am I saying here?" for the above paragraphs, I got:

What you’re expressing here is a desire for order, clarity, and control in your life, but not in an authoritarian or rigid way. You want life to feel manageable, organized, and calm, with a clear understanding of what’s expected of you and how to handle it. Here’s a breakdown of what you’re saying:

1. Desire for Simplicity and Order

• You long for a life that feels neat, tidy, and simple—where everything fits into clear categories and boxes. This reflects your wish to have things organized in a way that feels effortless and manageable, mirroring the “quaint” and idealized imagery you’re drawn to.

2. Need for Control (in a Non-Forceful Way)

• Your version of control isn’t about being forceful or rigid but about having a sense of understanding and mastery. You want to know where things go, how they fit, and feel confident in managing them. It’s about having a firm grip on things without feeling overwhelmed or chaotic.

• Control, for you, is about familiarity—you want processes to be clear, methods in place, and tasks to be manageable. It’s about feeling “on top of things” because you know what needs to be done and can calmly address it.

3. Calm and Clarity Over Chaos

• You’re seeking a sense of calm out of chaos. You don’t want life to feel frantic or unpredictable, but rather like something you can manage with a clear understanding of expectations and tasks.

• Your version of calm comes from confidence—knowing what you need to do and how to do it, without surprises or chaos.

4. Self-Confidence and Competence

• At the core, you’re asking, “Do I know what I’m doing, and can I deliver?” This reflects an underlying need for competence and the ability to meet expectations, both from yourself and others.

In essence, you’re expressing a desire for simplicity, calm, and control in life, but in a way that feels grounded in competence and understanding rather than forced. You want to be able to manage things in a structured and clear way, without feeling overwhelmed or uncertain.

Right on.

And that's CLARITY, which is so much love. I don't like feeling unclear and lost. I don't like feeling like I'm in the fog or dark, not knowing what's going on. Not knowing what I'm doing (being directionless or lost), or supposed to be doing (not knowing external expectations to avoid punishment), or directionless. Or worse, feeling forced and trapped amidst all of this. 

And frankly, that's how the last 5 years has felt in so many ways. 

BEING LOST. 

Lost in mid-life. 

EXPLORING MY VIEWS OF DESIGN

I want to explore though the Design of the small characters and elements I'm drawn to like Minifigs. 

Physical "design" things I really love ....

• The Bic Clic pen - it's just elegant and perfect for its need. To be an easy cheap way to write my notes, with no frills needed. And it clips perfectly inside or outside of my perfect notebook (a Classic Notebook, Line Ruled, 240 Pages, Black, Hardcover, 5 x 8.25-Inch like this)
• LEGO Minifigs and Sets - Small and quaint but over the top. 
• Cars, Vehicles, particularly odd unique ones. 

RE: LEGO

Overall, it's that you can build things. And they have simple principles - bricks click to other bricks. It's a simple modular system. But what you build can be a work of your own art and creativity. See it, build it. Oh and for me it's paint by numbers to get the thing you want on the package! Do the Steps Art. 

And most of the scenes are idealic .... the pirates, the houses, the cars, ordinary life things are all idealic. 

It's a vision of perfection in the real world. How life should fit into easy little buckets. There is no hurt or pain in the LEGO world. It's just perfect translation of how life should be. Cool, creative, and a distinct pattern under it all. 

Whew, that was big insight ... and connected to my longing in this life to see the Something Bigger. The pattern, the design, the purpose of it all. And why I've been doing that "faith" or "basic trust" in the cosmos and yearnign for it, striving to find it, discover it, see it for myself. 

Minifigs

I collect the weirdest, oddest ones. The uniquely creative ones that kind of stand out. Louder the better. I love the costume ones where an animal, like a llama or popcorn or hot dog is the costume and think it's just thrilling that someone did that uniqueness. 

One of a kind feel. Nothing something you'd see in ordinary (mundane) world. Stands out in a fashionable funny way. 

CHAT INPUT - ON WHAT I GLEAN FROM LEGO PROJECTION:

What you’re expressing here is that LEGO represents more than just a hobby—it’s a symbol of your values and the way you view life. Here’s what you’re saying:

1. Desire for Simplicity and Order

• LEGO’s simple, modular system resonates with your desire for life to fit into organized, predictable patterns. The way bricks neatly connect reflects your wish for life to be “neat and tidy,” where everything clicks into place without chaos.

2. In An Idealized Perfection

• LEGO worlds are idealized, free from pain or complexity, offering a vision of how you’d like life to be—perfect, smooth, and joyful. This mirrors your desire to escape from life’s messiness and embrace a more structured, controlled existence.

3. Allowing for Creativity and Control

• LEGO allows you to express creativity within a framework of control. The process of following steps to create something beautiful feels like “paint by numbers,” allowing for both freedom and structure. This reflects your need for both artistic expression and a sense of mastery over what you create.

4. Longing for a Bigger Pattern in Life

• The insight you mention about LEGO connecting to your desire for “Something Bigger” speaks to a deeper yearning for understanding the meaning, purpose, and design of life. You’re looking for the patterns that bring clarity and direction to your journey.

5. Love for Uniqueness and Standing Out

• The minifigures you collect—bold, unusual, and distinct—show your appreciation for things that stand out and break the mold. You’re drawn to characters that aren’t ordinary, reflecting a desire for uniqueness and individuality in both your personality and your surroundings.

In essence, LEGO is a reflection of how you approach life—seeking structure, creativity, and clarity while also valuing uniqueness and the pursuit of a bigger purpose. 

On Idealism ....

As I reflect on some of this, I can recall emotional experiences of feeling disappointed and crushed that real life was not the amazing images and concepts of the way they should be in my head. 

Life doesn't life up to my imagination, my idealization of it all. 

In my head, it's perfect and "as it should be."

It should be perfect, like this. 

But in life ... sometimes, it just is what it is. 

It's the sobering reality ... life will never catch up to my idealized imagination. 

But the work I have done in this arena is to think of these "dreams" and "images" and idealized "views" as inspiration and self-discovery and clarity for what I really want. 

Whew, that's a lot of good work for just starting with The Cabin! Love it. 

Back to Symbols - images, projections, analogies and metaphors - have huge profound affect on me and how I think and see the world and MYSELF. 

Seeing it ..... connecting all that back to meaning, values, desires, needs. 

How I take things I "see" and create beliefs and stories around it. 

How seemingly "little" things (pun) like the idealic cabin above, or minifigs, have so much meaning in them. 

STRUCTURE 

I want to know the rules, the framework, the boundary lines to not cross ..... I need that kind of structure to feel safe.  

But seemingly contrary, once I'm safe .... I want to break with the conventional, not do what everyone else is doing, and stand out and be unique and be my own in that. Especially if I don't feel capable of doing in excellence what everyone else is doing or can do. 

I want to be free inside and within a known structure. 

In my relationships (marriage, family, work), I need to feel safe and secure -- particularly to know the expectations, the lines and the "rules" and what comes up there is instantly a need to not feel punished, or corrected. It's emotionally painful for me. 

But within a safe and secure relationship and structure, I want to feel really free to be me. To be creative, to feel respected and cherished for what I can contribute (love, support, encouragement, nurturing, creativity, innovation, out of the box thinking). And I want to feel unbridled within my commitment to the rules, but everything else more or less is on the table.