My kids are the greatest, most profound teachers I’ve ever had.
Period.
I’ve found so much depth of understanding and healing just being their dad.
They are truly a gift, even if they sometimes wear me out.
But when I approach our relationships as the awesome little humans they are, knowing they are bright, have great ideas and understanding, the magic has happened for me in particular.
So they teach me. Often. Even if they don’t realize it.
One of the best ways I’ve found from learning from them is as I’m saying something to them, giving them guidance or encouragement ... is frankly taking the medicine myself.
One big one is: Practice.
How do we get better at anything? We practice it.
I hope it’s one of those things they repeat in a droning manner when they are older .... How do we do difficult things?
“Yeah, dad, we praaaaaaaactice.”
And it’s good medicine for me.
Life is all practice.
One of the lessons I’ve struggled with in mid-life is ... doing new things, learning new things ... and getting out of my shell.
Getting out of my cranky shell and knocking the rust and lethargy off doing hard and new things.
My emotional work of the last 5 years has been the toughest, but also great work.
I complain. It’s a struggle. It feels like learning a new language.
And I don’t like to fail ... I don’t like to fumble through things ... I mean who does.
However, when I hear myself saying that to my kids when they are doing something new or tough ... I realize the medicine is also for me.
I see their example. I see their struggle and realize I can do it too.
So I’m taking my own medicine ... with emotional work, or learning the 50+ controls and buttons on the PlayStation and getting elim’d 5 seconds into a game .... I hear myself saying, “It’s practice.”
A dear friend gave me a powerful quote that’s really resonated with this ....
“Embarrassment is the price of mastery.”
And I don’t like feeling embarrassed. At all.
I don’t know if I’ll ever “master” emotional work or even playing video games or being a good father ... at least to the standard I have in my head.
But I know the start is the slog. It’s the time I don’t like, but it’s where all the work is right now.
Getting past those bias, dislikes, past baggage, embarrassment, frustration ... and it’s really just the work of discipline.
The discipline and persistence required to move past the misery on to mastery.
ChatGPT's Response based on Astrology and my Birth Chart Elements:
The reflections you've shared resonate deeply with the wisdom often associated with astrological symbolism. You describe your children as profound teachers, and in astrology, children and the role of parenting can often be linked to the 5th house, which speaks to creativity, self-expression, and the joy found in those relationships.
Through your birth chart, we can explore how these astrological factors shape your experience. For instance, your Moon in Aries in the 5th house suggests that your emotional fulfillment is closely tied to personal expression and your role as a father. You derive a deep sense of identity and satisfaction from nurturing your children's individuality and independence. With the Moon in Aries, you're likely to experience emotional growth through the process of guiding and leading your children while also recognizing the lessons they offer you in return.
The presence of Venus in Aries in the 5th house amplifies this connection, showing that love and creativity are central themes in your relationships with your children. Your experience of seeing them as "awesome little humans" and the recognition of the magic they bring to your life aligns with the energy of Venus here, which emphasizes love, passion, and the joy of connection.
Additionally, your Mars in Cancer in the 8th house suggests that there’s a transformative, emotional depth to the lessons you are learning from your children. Mars in Cancer can indicate that challenges related to vulnerability and emotional expression are areas where you are growing, particularly within intimate relationships like that of fatherhood. This is likely where you find the emotional "medicine" you spoke about: the practice of encouraging your children while simultaneously nurturing yourself. This placement speaks to the necessity of emotional courage and persistence—qualities you described so beautifully in your journey of emotional work.
Your reflections on practice and persistence also echo the nature of your Saturn in Cancer in the 9th house. Saturn's influence here may manifest as a feeling of responsibility or duty toward emotional growth and maturity, especially through learning and expanding your emotional horizons. As you work through struggles and embrace the practice of self-discipline, Saturn offers the structure and perseverance needed to overcome your inner resistance.
In the greater astrological context, the lessons you've learned and continue to learn from your children mirror the evolutionary goals indicated by your North Node in Scorpio, positioned in your 12th house. Scorpio speaks to themes of depth, transformation, and emotional honesty, while the 12th house suggests that much of your growth comes from exploring the unconscious, embracing vulnerability, and finding strength in surrender. The process of “getting out of your shell” and working through emotional barriers is exactly what your soul is striving for on its evolutionary journey.
In essence, your astrological chart affirms the profound impact your children have had on your life. They help you navigate the deeper emotional waters that Scorpio and Cancer represent, fostering growth through practice, discipline, and emotional openness.
This process is not about achieving perfection but embracing the journey—the practice, as you say—towards emotional mastery, both as a father and as a person.