How am I feeling?

Seems like there’s always something revving the engine a bit - maybe anxious about work, side work, kids, family, etc going on that needs my attention and always feeling like I gotta be on it and that not everything is getting done. 

Sometimes I’m just putting out the fire in front of me. 

But I don’t like empty space either, yet would like things to be running smoothly in all facets of life. 

And they just aren’t ever ....

There is the right now stuff .... And then I try to prioritize the later stuff as later when a deadline or urgency bumps up to it. 

In a sense I’m in firefighter mode. 

And on the weekends, I just wanna relax and not do much at all. 

But the kids stuff is always going, running .... More and more to do. The commitment level is high. Transporting, schedules, details details details. 

I know I drown in details sometimes. I want to know the essential. 

And the side work is important - now I have two side clients and differing needs and making sure I’m keeping up with what I need to do for them - what they want and need from me. 

We need the money, I enjoy it working with them immensely, but always worried that I’m not doing what I need to do for them. 

I really enjoy the journaling work with compelling.life and using chatGPT to unpack and explore those. It’s reflective, explorative work and I want to keep doing it. 

I like what comes out of it. 

I like doing the mirror to things like FortLife, Something Bigger, etc ..... Am I ok to keep just journaling those and not worry so much about outward expression?

I think I need to outwardly express these things and experiment with them with stuff I can see, touch, feel. 

Expression work is really good work for me. Something usually comes of it, whether it’s clarity, or a feeling of understanding, which is part of power and control for me. 

CHAT'S RESPONSE


It sounds like you're grappling with feelings of constant pressure and anxiety, driven by multiple responsibilities and a desire to maintain control. Emotionally, there seems to be a tension between your need for control and the inevitable chaos of life—whether it's work, side projects, family, or personal expression. Here's a breakdown of the emotional conflict:

  1. Pressure to Perform: You feel like there's always something that needs your attention, causing you to stay in "firefighter mode." This creates anxiety because it feels like you’re never fully catching up, and you're overwhelmed by constant demands.
  1. Anxiety Over Details: The sheer amount of details—work-related, family schedules, commitments—feels suffocating at times. You crave clarity and simplicity but find yourself drowning in the minutiae. This contributes to a sense of being pulled in too many directions, leading to a feeling of being overextended.
  1. Desire for Control: You want everything to run smoothly, but it feels like no area of life is ever fully in order. This might lead to frustration because you're someone who seeks power and understanding through control. When things aren’t orderly, it creates emotional dissonance.
  1. Balance Between Relaxation and Responsibility: There's a part of you that longs for downtime, to just relax on the weekends and decompress. Yet, the responsibilities of family life and work never seem to allow for it, which adds to your stress.
  1. Fear of Not Measuring Up: Even with side clients that you enjoy working with, there's underlying anxiety about whether you’re meeting their needs and doing enough. You find satisfaction in the work but are haunted by a fear of inadequacy or falling short of expectations.
  1. The Need for Creative and Emotional Expression: You recognize that journaling and reflective work (such as with Compelling.Life and ChatGPT) helps you process and find clarity. Yet, there’s a conflict about whether to keep this internal or to start outwardly expressing these reflections more visibly in the world. It seems you realize that outward expression might give you a deeper sense of control and understanding, yet you're unsure if you're ready for that step.

In essence, you seem to be caught in a cycle of overextension, anxiety about performance, and a desire for clarity and control that feels just out of reach. At the same time, you know that creative expression and reflection offer a path to emotional power, but there's an internal debate about how and when to share that outwardly.

HOW IT RELATES TO MY BIRTH CHART

In your reflection, you describe a feeling of being overwhelmed by responsibilities, juggling work, side work, family, and other commitments. This sense of “firefighting” reflects your need to manage multiple tasks, often prioritizing what’s urgent rather than what’s essential for your well-being. This emotional state aligns with your astrological chart in a few significant ways:

1. Sun in Taurus (6th House) :

Your Sun sign represents your core identity and what drives you. With the Sun in Taurus, a sign that values stability and simplicity, your need to find balance and smooth functioning in life is a natural expression. However, being in the 6th house, the house of work and routine, you may often feel burdened by daily tasks and responsibilities. This house placement suggests that much of your life’s purpose is tied to mastering the art of balancing service and self-care, which can easily lead to feelings of being overwhelmed if this balance is not maintained.

2. Moon in Aries (5th House) :

The Moon in Aries reflects your emotional nature and what brings you a sense of security and satisfaction. Aries, being a fiery, action-oriented sign, often leads to feelings of needing to be in control and act quickly—this can manifest as anxiety when there are too many responsibilities pulling you in different directions. In the 5th house, which relates to creative expression and children, this placement reflects the ongoing demands of family life and your desire for some personal time for creativity or relaxation. Your statement about wanting things to run smoothly but always feeling like there’s something more to do aligns with this combination of Moon in Aries in the 5th house, as it highlights the tension between personal freedom and the duties you feel toward others, especially family.

3. Mars in Cancer (8th House) :

Mars governs assertiveness and how you act in the world. With Mars in Cancer in the 8th house, there may be a deep emotional undercurrent driving your sense of duty toward family and your need to handle complex or deep responsibilities (such as financial or emotional matters in the household). This placement can create a tendency to feel emotionally burdened, as Cancer is a sign that nurtures but can also struggle with feelings of insecurity or guilt if things aren’t going smoothly. The 8th house accentuates this intensity, bringing a “fight-or-flight” mode into matters of shared resources or deep emotional commitments.

4. Jupiter in Taurus (6th House)  :

Jupiter’s influence in Taurus and the 6th house suggests that you have a natural inclination toward making things better, bringing a sense of expansion and optimism to your daily work and routines. However, Jupiter can also amplify the feeling that there’s “always more to do” or that you should be doing more, which can contribute to the anxiety you express about meeting your obligations both at work and with your side clients.

5. Saturn in Cancer (9th House)  :

Saturn’s placement shows where you feel a sense of duty and restriction. In Cancer and the 9th house, you may feel a strong pull toward fulfilling your roles and responsibilities within your family, which can make you feel that your personal or philosophical aspirations (9th house) are sometimes put on hold. The emotional toll of these duties can manifest as stress, as Saturn emphasizes discipline and responsibility but can also make you feel like you’re “drowning in details,” as you mentioned.